Some Thoughts On Polyamory

Good Morning My Confidants!

My car battery is definitely dead, I need a new one, and that means I won't be going to church today. That's two Sundays now, and three Wednesday support-group nights, because of the weather. It's only 14° out there right now. Yuck.

Not a fan of winter!

Funny that I am grateful that it is going to get to 33° today. It's interesting how something we normally might not like can seem a blessing another time. It's all a matter of perspective, huh?

Perspective.

So today we'll pull the battery and go get a new one, RBear says it is over two years old, although it doesn't seem that long to me, and that two years is about right, especially with how cold it's been the past two weeks. Lots of below zero weather.

What I am happy about is that it is going to be a Three Bears Day today and I love those so much. The three of us together. We really are like magick. The way we...flow. It sends shivers down my spine. It's like we're...I don't know...like bees or something. It is so completely natural.

People ask, "How do you do it? I find making two people work hard enough. How in the world do you guys manage three?"

And I say again, it's all how you're built somehow. It's instinct. Natural. I find it far easier than any "two" I've ever been in.

When I was around eighteen or nineteen, I was just discovering science fiction fandom, and a group of my new friends decided that I needed to read some of the classics of the genre. One of them gave me a copy of the book Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein.

The work centers on a human named Valentine Michael Smith was born on Mars to two members of the first expedition from Earth, but his ship crashed and he is the only survivor, and he was raised by Martians. When a second expedition arrives, he returns with them to Earth. Although Michael is technically an Earthling, Earth is an entirely alien culture to him, and it is often terrifying; he truly is a “stranger in a strange land.”. After learning about human culture, and with the money inherited from funds tied to the first exploration to Mars, Mike decides to create a religion, the Church of All Worlds, based on his own brand of Martian philosophy. Part of that involves “Nests,” which are deeply intimate groups of people that are basically families of choice, and multi-partner marriages. One of the main characters of the book, Ben Caxton, at first difficulty accepting the untraditional sexual practices of these nests, but changes his mind and joyfully joins one of them. It deeply implies that he is having sex with at least one of his husbands.*

At eighteen, and I think still a virgin at the time, book utterly amazed me. Nests amazed me. I could hardly contain my heart thinking about multi-partner marriages and how much love there would be in such an arrangement. No one having to be everything for their partner and not expecting a partner to be everything. I believe it is that pressure that breaks up so many couples.

I did not come from a big family. I had one brother. That was it. But I could feel how powerful having more than one partner would be. I knew that was what I wanted. So much that even in role-playing games, my characters would have more than one partner.

And then I waited something like forty-years to finally have my own Nest.

It turns out that just because my heart was big enough to love more than one person—and I mean love—most people can't handle it. I would see when I was with my first husband—we were not really monogamous—that when it looked like we might be getting into a throuple or quad—that we all flourished. But what happened was it would be shattered by jealousy. I just didn't understand the need for one person to all but own another. The only time I ever felt jealously is when I was being left out.

I never feel any jealousy with Noah and RBear. Except when I am being really human and something is making me feel left out, and usually that is my own security. Love is not a pie with a certain number of slices that can be served, and once those portions are served, there is nothing left. NO! Love is as deep as an ocean. It is forever—even though a type of love might not serve us forever. Ditch jealously and only feed love, and it will flourish.

The three of us are flourishing in this relationship. In fact, I truly believe—know—that had I only been with one of them the last five + years, that it's really possible the relationships might not have lasted. It was the three of us together that made us so strong. Helping each other when only one of us couldn't.

I am so happy.

I wonder sometimes how different my life would be today had one of those throuples have worked in the past. I think my ex's problems would have been solved and we would all be together thirty + years later.

But there is no sense in looking back.

I try not to even really look to the future.

I spend my energy into holding my life with open hands, neither grasping or pushing away. Basking in the beauty every day and not demanding any more. Being grateful.

Because what we think about, and thank about, we bring about.

So for anyone who might feel sorry for me? Or think what I have with my two husbands is weird. Or that it can't possibly last..... Know we have been together over five years and I see no sign of it stopping. It only—for me—gets better every day. And I believe that the same is true for them.

Love always wins.

I wish you all the love in the world.

Namaste,

BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas

January 21, 2024, Entry #021

* Stranger in a Strange Land: Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Stranger-in-a-Strange-Land

Photo of our three hands linked by Mark "Tippy" Van Horn