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Unlikeable.....

Good Morning My Confidants


Question.....


Have you ever disliked someone despite yourself? No matter how much you try to like them, how it would be a good thing in your life to like them, but you just don't seem to be able to do so?


You try and try. You will probably only cause grief in your life, and the lives of other people, by not liking this person, but try as you might, you just don't seem to be able to do it. You feel as if they do everything they possibly can to make themselves just as disagreeable and unpleasant as possible, and you seem to be the only person who notices.


When this happens to me, and it's rare, it really leaves me in a rough place. I want to be the best person I can be. And you know, the great teacher Jesus was attributed to say the following.....


“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your [God] in heaven. [God] causes [the] sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? ... And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? .... Be perfect, therefore, as [God] is perfect."


That's a pretty tall order. Because, you know, I'm not Jesus. And I'm not God. So how do I do that? How do I rise above and like an incredibly unlikable person?


Throughout my life I've learned that some of those people you can just cut right out. And social media you can hit that block button. But sometimes it's someone that you have to work with, so when you have to deal with, sometimes it's family, sometimes it's the next-door neighbor, someone that you have to deal with. And in those cases? Whoa.


So, this is the kind of thing I've been thinking about.....


I don't have to actually like the unlikable person, do I? I only have to get along with them. Dale Carnegie talks about killing them with kindness, although I don't remember him saying it quite that way. Just make sure that I stay on my best behavior, and always do my best.


I frequently talk about The Four Agreements. And they have quite a bit to say about all this. Starting with the Fourth Agreement, "Always do your best," and moving on to the Second Agreement, "Don't take anything personally."


Because I clearly see that that is what is going on. I am taking things personally. Things that have nothing to do with me, not really. That an unlikable person, or three, that I've had to deal with in my life, have all kinds of problems. And by getting embroiled in their mess, I'm taking on their problems. I'm letting them affect me. I'm letting them darken me. I'm letting them sicken me


The Four Noble Truths address this as well. There is misery in life, that's life, but what makes it worse is how I deal with it. If I sit around and think about it all the time, I'm only making it worse. If I sit around and think about how unlikable these people are that I have to deal with, I'm only making it worse. Because then I have the unlikable people that I have to deal with, and the fact that I sit around thinking about how unlikable they are.


And at 64 years of age, I have lived long enough to see that about 75% or more of what I thought I was right about, I was right. And the disagreeable unlikable person is the one who fell. And that probably if they had listened to me everything would be better, but they wouldn't. And so I just have to let life take care of itself. Because in the end, there's still a good percentage of time that I was wrong. And there I have a whole lot of rotten egg on my face.


I've said before that being an adult is exhausting. Taking the right path is exhausting. And yet, the dichotomy, is doing the right thing really isn't that hard at all. Being kind is easy. It really is. I have been kind over and over in my life to some very unkind people. And it made an impression.


I used to have to work with this person who was crazy. I mean they're in jail now. They flipped out and killed someone. There was one time that I thought the guy was going to kill me. I had his job in my hand. And I did not take action against him. He came to me later, in total shock, tears on his face, and said to me, "Ben, you are a far better man than I. I wish I could be like you."


I wish he could have been a better person as well. He wouldn't be in the situation he is in now, probably going to spend the rest of his life prison.


And so, deep breath.


It's not like I have to actually LIVE with any of these unlikable people. The people I live with have their flaws, but for the most part they are amazing and I am unworthy of how wonderful and loving they are. That's what I should focus on. All the love in my life.


And I have several best friends! I am so often heard that you can only have one best friend, but that's not true. I'm very blessed.


I've mentioned here many times before that I had an ex who cheated on me over and over and over again and contracted HIV and through some miracle I did not, and after finding out, he tried to infect me! Using my toothbrush and my razor and stuff like that. He was not successful.


We split up. And I did my best to rise above and not to trash him in public. I had two good friends that I would vent to, read cry my eyes out, and that was it. The rest of the time I kept all the ugliness to myself. I did not air the dirty laundry.


He on the other hand did.


And all our friends chose me, despite me telling them I didn't want them to choose. In fact, friends that he brought into the relationship chose me.


Perhaps what I need to do about these unlikable people just focus on love. Love. Love. Love.


To remember how far from perfect I am. Remember that I personally believe that God loves everyone just the way they are, and that there is not going to be any kind of eternal damnation one of these days. That God sees only the perfect golden glowing person that we really are. I need to remember that.


Now that doesn't mean I have to let unlikable people harm me. But these unlikable people are not harming me. The only harm that's being done to me is the harm I'm inflicting on myself by sitting around seething about how much I don't like them.


So, deep breath.....


Picture of these unlikable people glowing with golden light. Because you see, I'm at the school of thought that God made the universe and everything in it out of Itself. And if God made the universe and everything in it out of Itself, then that means these people I find so hard to like are made out of the very same stuff that I'm made out of.


That's humbling.


Today I will be the best person I can be. I will let everything else, and everybody else, sort through the rest.


And remember how many wonderful people surround me. I am so very blessed!


Love to you all

And yes, all

Namasté

The Divine in me acknowledges the Divine in all,

BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas

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5 Comments


Guest
Jun 19

Just like there is love at first sight - there is it's opposite. Possibly pheromone driven?

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Guest
Jun 19

May the light I see in you, be the joy I see in me!! Love you..😃

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Guest
Jun 18

Morning Ben. Enjoyed your post today - I'm very different from you, friend wise. Very much an introvert, with only a few friends, mostly just casual acquaintances. I've never had trouble stepping back mentally from people who are negative, shrugging my mental shoulders and moving on. Just the way my brain works. The way YOUR brain works sounds like it can cause you some stress because you engage with people on a much deeper level than I usually can, but it does bring you the opportunity for stronger and more frequent real relationships with people, and I envy that part. Love hearing about life from your point of view. I can't experience it that way, but we don't have to…

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The friends likely chose you because you told them not to choose.


I feel like I may have an inkling of what sparked this post. I don't know what to say either way. 😞

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Did you know the scripture passage you quoted was today’s gospel reading? Matthew 5:43-48

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