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Breathe Deep

Updated: May 28

Good Morning My Confidants


Words really do have power...!

If you read my Good Mornings every day then you know that I have been saying the last couple mornings that Thursday, Friday and Saturday, while probably being a lot of fun, would also probably wear me out so much that I'd miss church from sleeping in. Well! Guess what?

I went to bed last night at ten (on a Saturday night for goodness sake) and I slept eleven hours! Whoa! With only a few brief wake-ups for that 64-year-old guy thing. LOL!

Sure, I could have gone, it was 9:00 and I like to leave for church at 9:25, but ah, it was 9:00 and I like to leave for church at 9:25! The days of partying all night, getting ready the next morning in five to ten minutes, and dashing off to work are apparently over.

But then I've known that for some time, haven't I? This my prediction I'd miss church today! I did not predict eleven hours of sleep though. Another 64-year-old guy thing is I rarely sleep more than six hours, no matter how much I'd like to!

You know I'm not complaining.

I mean, another 64-year-old guy thing, at least for this particular 64-year-old guy, is that I don't work anymore. I like that. I wouldn't mentally go back to my twenty-one-year-old body and take it over with my present brain for that reason alone. Unless it was to invest in Apple or Microsoft or something so that after a couple years I would no longer have to work again. And that was back when I worked for Walden Books, and that was more or-less-fun!

But what really happened yesterday was realizing that despite some very dark times, I've had a wonderful life. There were friends I was sitting around talking to that I met as far back as 1990! People I've known over 30 years! I mean, the party was the 31st anniversary of my dear friend Belinda and I was at her wedding, and when I went through the reception and got all chocked up, and Belinda hugged me and said, "Oh, Ben! I love you!" She wouldn't say that unless we were already good friends.

And I of course did get chocked up because, surprise! I'm a romantic! Believing they'd be together forever and here they are, 31 years later, still together!

I was sitting with a friend and we were talking about the slideshow thing going on and how beautiful Belinda was in those days--stunning, absolutely gorgeous--and how beautiful she is still. And we were talking about how with that group of friends, we had felt safe for 15, and 20, and 30 plus years! How we had lost soooooo many, and how grateful we were for all of them, and how thankful for all those still left and with us that day. There were photos and slides of babies who where there yesterday as teenagers and early-twenty-year-olds! Graduated from college and making their own lives!

And got to be a part of all that!

People who knew me when I was with "him," and who loved and supported me through the break-up and then me meeting RBear. And who were at his and my wedding!

I mean, wow!

Why would I possibly want to lose out on any of that? Even when a bit of scarring made itself known after all this time, it was quickly rolled over and buried by all the love I was feeling surrounded by all my friends.


Yesterday Noah and RBear completely supported me ALL day, from taking me to the official Mattel Barbie tour bus event to setting up my table, to my reading, to tearing down completely all my stuff and loading it all in the cars! I mean.... WOW!

I have so much!

I have been through so much hurt and pain, but by God (and I mean that only in the most reverential way), I have SO much! I am so blessed!

And so to anyone accusing me of "toxic positivity," and how dare I in my "privilege" of being "able" to be positive, I say.....

**deep breath**

Bless you. I wish and hope for you only the best and all the love in the world. I "pray" that you will find what you need so that you can stop focusing all your attention on the bad in your life, and turn your attention on the good. That phrase, "It gets better," is true. But you do have to let it. You can acknowledge the bad in the world without embracing it.

Here in Kansas City, it is a gorgeous morning. The birds are singing. There's the slightest breeze. Here in my home in Kansas City, I have my husbands around me (well, one just dashed off to some estate sales, his "church" on Sunday mornings) and both dogs are right here next to me and my tears are wet with joy.

And I am wishing "this" for each and every one of you.


BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas

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