A VERY Important Post For Me!

This was supposed to be a post where I talked about my love for coffee, since that is one of the main inspirations for this blog in the first place after all. But then I wanted to talk about something else and I didn't want to do so until I had some hope.

Turns out I do. Have some hope.

Then I figured out I could tell this important part first and talk about coffee after. But that will be a novel apparently—considering the length of the important part! LOL! So, I'll talk about coffee tomorrow (if I don't change my mind, and I can!). Afterall, with the temperature only 4° outside right now and tomorrow only going to be colder, Noah and I aren't going to do our coffee shop tradition and I'll be thinking all about that tomorrow!

No, today needs to be about something else, and it's another reason why I started this blog, but I just hadn't told you yet. I didn't want to say anything until I felt I could do it.

Well, it looks like I can. But I am going to need all the help that I can.

Today begins a very important journey for me. My re-devoting myself to my health. It is time. Far more than time.

I have lost weight over the last few years. In fact, I have done so numerous times, only to gain it again. Depression does that. Also, the fact that Weight Watchers is closing locations everywhere, making it nigh on impossible to go to a meeting. And meetings were very important to me. They were my lifeblood. They were—are—my equivalent to AA. Because for me food is my addiction. Seriously. I'll talk about that in the future. But for now, I will leave it at the fact that losing my weekly weigh-in and the cheerleading I got was a downfall for me. If was both the accountability and community with others who totally understand was what I was going through is what I needed in order to succeed.

So! What do I do? Because if I don't do something I am going to die. I weigh far more than I think I ever have—after losing fifty pounds last year!—and it is time for me to get rid of this weight because simply climbing the stairs sometimes scares me because of how breathless I am when I get to the top.

So, last Saturday I had Noah weigh me—because technically last Saturday is when this began. And he is going to weigh me every Saturday. I told him not to tell me what I weighed. There was no way that I could know, because that would be far too discouraging, to know just how high Mount Everest is. I think another reason I "fell of the wagon" was finding out on during one of my last weigh-ins how much I weighed on that day. I had lost fifty+ pounds and was so happy, and when that lady told me how much I weighed—when every single week I specifically told them only to tell me the loss or gain but not my weight—I was so shocked at how far I still had to go that I think it was another downfall. A "Well f*ck this! After all these months I'm not even halfway there?!"

So, between that stupid thought and the inability to go to meetings—both of which were very, very important for my weight loss—I just gave up.

This led to today.

This morning on my weigh-in, it turns out I have lost—No, gotten RID of—3.2 pounds!

"Got rid of" and not "lost" because words are very important and the hold all kinds of secret below-the-surface-of-the-mind powers. And what do any of us want to do when we've "lost" something?

Why we want to find it again.

And that can't be.

The last two times I lost weight I found them again. Plus. Those last two times I swore I would never go back to those weight-filled days, but I did. I believed in myself and so many others did as well! I was so sure. But when Covid hit and with Weight Watchers all but disappearing, I found out that my all eggs were in one basket—tools. I cannot depend on only one source to be my way. Not even two sources. There has to be backup plans.

But mostly this has to be all in or not at all. This has to be my LIFE. For the REST of my life.

Or I am going to die.

I have shared that I have been feeling very mortal lately and this weight is a big part of it. Watching friend after friend after friend after friend die is another huge part of it. Seeing social media friends die. Seeing fripping-beloved-celebrities die. Not being able to walk around a department store without a scooter is a part of it—because if I do walk around Costco or Target or Walmart, I have to take a nap when I get home!

My husbands and I want to go to Mexico. We were supposed to the year that Covid hit. We keep putting it off. I want, we want, to climb a pyramid before there aren't any Mexican pyramids that they will let you climb—and they have closed so many. I want to get to the top and look out over an ancient Mexican city and feel the thrill and awe of not only the sight...but that I was able to do it!

I want to live at least as long as my beloved granny, and she was 88.

In fact, I want to make it into my 90s, and my goal is 100! Glynis Johns, the mother and suffragette from Mary Poppins just passed away and she was 100!

I want to see humans land on Mars. I want to have a New York Times Best Sellar.

I want to be able to get married to both my men—live long enough until we can marry more than one person.

Heck! I want to see who the MCU casts for The Fantastic Four and if we are finally going to see Galactus on the big screen and if my theory is right and in the MCU version he is going to be a Celestial!

And the only way I am going to be able to do that is to get rid of this weight and stop needing the crutches—literally and figuratively—that I have been using.

Hey, everybody! I lost.... "Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it...."

Hey, everybody! I got RID of 3.2 pounds in one week!

And I can use tools to help me. And I use the word "tools" in the highest and most honored way.

But it also has to come from within.

I have to believe I am worth it.

I have to KNOW what I want.

What I think about, and thank about, I bring about.

I am going to finally and forever get rid of this weight and live to be a happy, crazy, outrageous, outspoken, flamboyant old man!

I want to be some version of Edith Head or Iris Apfel or that group of ladies—I can't seem to find their names—who dress up and have all but become famous in New York for what they wear.

I look at all my friends who have passed suddenly and unexpectantly from this world and most of them had no interest in leaving. They LOVED life and had a lot left they still wanted to do.

And if our days are numbered, and they may be, I want to do my part in giving me as many days as possible.

I am writing again! I am smiling and laughing again. I am taking interest again. I have this fabulous new doll collection. I am writing essays! I am writing STORIES again!

I have no intention of going anywhere except where I want to go.

Does anybody want to join me?

Does anybody else want to get healthier?

One of my best friends in the Universe—Belinda—is taking my hand and we've been after each other for months and months. We are going to do this! We are checking in with each other almost every day and telling each other what we ate for the day and doing all those things Weight Watcher meeting did for me. Accountability and community with a dear beloved friend who totally understands what I am going through.

Noah is an inspiration! He quietly started taking care of himself and got rid of forty pounds last year!!

Anyone want to join us?

Why then let's do it!

Because one of those tools that really does work and that I really honor is "community." Urging each other on. Cheerleading each other. Being there to talk to and confess to and to cry on each other's shoulder and to push push push us to our higher and best selves! And forgive each other when we "fail" with love and acceptance.

Hey, everybody!

I got rid of three point two pounds in one week.

Who knows where I will be this summer.

I can't wait to find out!

SO.... Starting this week—today—each week I will post my weight—both in weight gotten rid of and weight gained (because both will happen and that's okay!)—and ask you to cheer me on and root for me and sympathize and empathize with me when I didn't lose.

I hope you are with me!

Peace and love and namaste,

BG "Gentle Ben" Thomas

Jan 13, 2024, Entry #013